Dating got me like...
Dating is already very much an emotional minefield on a good day.
But trying to navigate through the maze of emotions that is dating gets even harder, and can seem impossible, when you're already grappling with a mental illness primarily affecting your emotions: depression.
While we might all attribute things like feeling sad and crying a lot to depression, the mental illness can actually take a much more serious toll on those who live with it.
Ever since my last relationship with a toxic man, it has been hard for me to "find the right person" or even trust someone and be able to tell them what I am going through. Lately though, when talking to someone new I go through these steps to help me out.
Take care of you first
When it comes to depression and dating, the most important factor is you. You need to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally before you throw yourself into the dating pool. Before you can ever take care of someone else in a relationship, you have to be able to take care of you.
Surround yourself with positivity
Be sure to keep in touch with friends who are going through the dating scene with you. Having a support system during dating is crucial, and it’s even more important if you suffer from depression. Being around positive and upbeat people will take some of the stress and tension out of the dating.
Be mindful
Depression and the challenges that it brings can be random, which is why being mindful of timing is crucial. If you know that this week is already panning out to be a bad one, you may want to consider taking a mini-break from dating. It’s all but impossible to go on a date and enjoy it when you’re having trouble just getting yourself to smile.
Practice acceptance
Acceptance is a big part of living with depression. When you decide to be part of the dating world, it’s even more important that you’re able to accept your depression and take it for what it is. Just because you have a mental health issue doesn’t mean that you’re crazy. Accept who you are and others will follow.
Don’t tell everyone you meet
Suffering from depression, as with any mental health issues, is a pretty personal thing. Just because you’re going on dates with men doesn’t mean that you have to tell them that you suffer from depression. This could lead to a lot of bias and stereotyping from his end, and it can easily make a good date become a bit awkward.
Do tell if things get serious
On the flip side, if you’ve been dating a man for awhile now and things are getting serious, you’ll need to tell him. While depression doesn’t define you, it does play a part in how you act certain times. When things get serious with a man, he deserves to know.
Be prepared for questions
Once you’ve told your partner that you suffer from depression, be ready for questions. You may find that your partner wants to help you or wants to understand depression more, and you’ll need to be open and willing to do so. Explain depression in real terms and don’t sugarcoat it.
Learn from the past
As you become more involved in the dating scene, it’s likely you’ll develop certain dating patterns. It’s important that you’re able to recognize your own strengths, weaknesses, as well as the dating pitfalls that you’re prone to fall into. Not learning from the past and repeating failed patterns from the past may only leave you feeling even worse. Know what you need and what you don’t need when it comes to a partner.
Think towards the future
With depression, it can be hard to see the bright side of things, especially when it comes to your future. However, despite the fact that you suffer from depression, this doesn’t mean that you can’t and won’t go on to find your Mr. Right and live an amazing life with him. Focus on the positive side of things and know you’re worthy of love and a good relationship, just like everyone else.
Don’t use depression as a crutch
There are plenty of people out there who try to use depression as a crutch. Just because you’re depressed doesn’t mean that you get a free card when it comes to the dating scene. While you may have some rough days and rough patches, depression doesn’t mean that you’re doomed from the beginning. Accept it for what it is and grow from it instead of letting your condition weigh you down.
Focus your energy outward
Depression makes you painfully aware of your inner suffering, which in turn will focus all of your attention on yourself. This can make it hard to be fully interested in and connected to someone else. When you go into the dating scene, do your best to be focused on your dates and to be fully engaged with that person.
Don’t use relationships to feel better
Relationships give us reassurance that we’re loved, wanted, and that we are doing something right. However, don’t go into the dating scene with the idea that you can use relationships as a way to give yourself assurance. If you’re using dating as a way to boost your self-esteem, you’re going down the wrong trail for sure.
Consider help from a professional
Low self-esteem, irritability, and fatigue can all amplify with dating. A professional can definitely help you stay strong and on top of your depression.
Because depression can severely affect a person's ability to get up in the morning and live their lives, it can make dating, something that literally requires you to function pretty well, a little bit of a challenge to deal with.