the ONLY person you can fix is YOU
Sometimes I get caught up on various things, and by things, I mean people. I am not quite sure who cursed me with this attribute, but I always feel the need to fix everyone else's problems but my own. Recently, I have been going through a time of uncertainty, anxiety, fear, and heartbreak with a group of my closest friends. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I had spent all of my energy focusing on whether they were okay, or if they needed anything during their tough time. I had completely forgot/ignored my own mental-health well-being, which has caused me extreme stress and exhaustion.
I tell myself all the time to mind my own damn business, but I feel like my brain wasn't hardwired that way. Is it because I care too much? Do I enjoy saving people? Either way, attending to the needs of others has always given me a feeling of self-validation. I'm nobody if I am not worrying about someone or something. Maybe this is just the way I cope or deal with my emotions. I feel everything at once, and I feel everything with such overwhelming extremity that I take all this energy and attempt to turn into something positive. I want to help you. I want to help everyone.
I know you are probably thinking, "Why is that a bad thing? Wanting to help everyone is a great trait to have!" Well, this is why you are wrong.
When I take on this role, I forget about myself completely. I am suddenly thrust into a world where my body, thoughts, and anxieties are not my own. They are being controlled by someone else, and that is extremely unhealthy. All I can focus on is trying to fix someone, and people begin to take advantage of my emotions...
...and who is there for me during my rough times? No one. It seemed like everyone I was giving advice to had just shunned me out, like I wasn't important anymore, or at all. Let me just tell you that living in a small town going through this shit, I feel alone most days, and it is not fun at all. I don't wish that feeling on anyone, not even on my worst enemy.
Often times the people I am trying to fix manipulate me into thinking I'm helping, or try to get something I can't give out of me. It's manipulation. It's heartbreaking, and even today it still happens. I pour my heart and soul into people, but no one comes to replenish the amount of energy that I put into my platonic relationships. I am constantly disappointed by the people I try to fix, and I take it out on myself. Maybe it's me, maybe I am the one who can't get it right. But then I realize that someone was lying to my face the whole time. I have created a version of my friend that doesn't even exist and I can't get any of my time or energy back.
It took me many years of heartache, sadness, and anger to realize that in reality, I can't fix anyone but myself. I still struggle to this day. The reality is that you can only do so much as a friend, partner, or family member.
The truth is, people don't change without changing themselves first.
So next time a friend comes crawling to you for help, ask yourself...would they do the same for you? Put all this time and energy into helping you feel better about a recent event that devastated you? If the answer is no, then don't waste your time on them. You can give them some advice, but don't put your hear and soul into someone who won't reciprocate the same actions. Instead, focus on you and what makes you happy.