Losing Your Best Friend.
On Friday, November 17 of 2017, I received a text from my dad, "Domino passed away at 5 a.m. this morning. She was 15 and a half years old." That was the text I had to wake up to that morning.
Instant tears filled my eyes. Different thoughts were racing through my head. Nevertheless, I had to get up and get ready for work. I remember I was already having a shitty week to begin with. I had stayed at my brother's apartment the night before so I would have company during that dreadful week of mine. As I was leaving for work, he had asked me if I was going to be okay. When answering yes, I remember trying so hard to keep a straight face, but as soon as I was alone in my car, I had bawled my eyes out. I had no idea how I was going to make it through the day.
In a way, nearly every treasured pet is a therapy animal. They may not have certificates, or wear special vests that give them upgraded seating status on airplanes, but they greatly enhance our lives in a number of ways.
Numerous studies have shown evidence that pets not only provide companionship and bring joy, but they can also help people recover or better cope with a wide range of health problems. Those of which include: heart disease, cancer, and mental health disorders.
When I got to work, my eyes were puffy and red as hell. However, I had to wipe away those tears, no matter how much I was hurting, I still had a job to do. As I was working, about to break down in tears yet again, one of my best friends had shown up with a Krispy Kreme donut and a chocolate milk, she knows me so well. I walked up to her with open arms, hugged her, and cried, for a good five minutes. Seeing her, and talking with her helped me manage to get through work a little bit better. However, my mom texted me shortly after she left, explaining how Domino died. I couldn't take it after that, I had to go to the back room and cry my eyes out again for at least another ten minutes. I am so grateful that I had such a great staff who were all there to support me, and give me some pep talks that day. I was blessed with great friendships to help me survive work on such a terrible day.
When a pet dies, it can be an emotionally, devastating experience that can have a negative impact on both our mental, and physical health.
The loss of a cherished pet can be every bit as difficult as losing a person...or in some cases, even worse.
I think for me, this was worse, because I didn't lose just a person. I lost my best friend. Domino was the best childhood dog a girl could ask for. She knew all my emotions. She knew when I was happy, sad, sick, angry, depressed, or tired. Heck, she even knew when my Aunt's dog had passed away and how much that affected me. I remember my dad telling me the news, I, of course cried, and she came and curled up right next to me as we watched Friends together. She was there with me every step of the way on this rollercoaster life of mine.
I will never forget the first time I came home for a visit from college. It was just a few short months of being away, but coming home and seeing her face; it was like a sense of relief for her. She was finally able to see that I was still alive and well, and that I missed her just as much as she missed me. She had stuck by my side that entire visit. Whenever I came home from hanging out with friends, once that front door was open, she would immediately jump up and come get a hug from me. Every time I came home to visit it would be just like that. Yet every time I left, the goodbyes got harder and harder. Simply, because, I never knew if it would be our final goodbye or not.
I had made plans the Friday night of her death to attend a potluck dinner with my friend, but there was no way I was going to be able to survive that. All these strangers asking how I was doing and having to put on a fake smile and pretend I was fine? No, thanks. I barely survived work. Instead, I went to the movies with another friend to escape reality for a bit. It was enjoyable, but when I got home to my empty apartment...the real reality began to set in.
The next night however, I wanted to escape reality again...but in a different way. I ended up hanging out with someone who I probably shouldn't have, and started hanging out with him more than I should have. I honestly started spending my time with people I shouldn't have. The group of people that didn't really know what was going on in my life. At the time though, I was just enjoying myself. I didn't care, I was just blowing off steam. I was trying to forget about one of the worst things that had just happened in my life.
Instead of trying to cope with her death, I was ignoring it. I was doing whatever I could to just escape my problems instead of facing them head on. This became a reoccurrence for me. I was digging myself into a hole that I didn't want to get out of. I was content of where I was in life. I didn't care anymore. I began to lose hope for myself.
Luckily, before things got too out of control, I was able to stop myself. To this day, I am still blessed of the support system I have. They were able to see that what I was falling into was not the person I was born to be. They helped smack some sense into myself. It took some time, and I am still healing and learning from my mistakes. However, without them in my life, I have no idea where I would be right now or who I would be.
People kept telling me that I was going to be itching for more ink after I got my first one, but I wasn't. I told myself that all my tattoos I get better have some meaning to it. One day while I was visiting home it clicked: my next tattoo would be for Domino whenever she passed. Well, the time had come. So, with the help of friends and family, I was able to create what I wanted and where to place it, and I love it.
Coping with the death of Domino was so hard in a magnitude of ways. She was my best friend, and my final goodbye was to her buried body. I still live day to day missing her like crazy. I still have vivid dreams about her being alive and well, but when I wake up...I remember that she's gone. Some days are harder than others, but I can't let it affect me anymore. She was and always will be my best friend, and like any best friend, she would want to see me succeed and be happy in life. Not dwell in the past.
I use this part of my life as a lesson for myself. Whenever I feel a depressive episode coming on, I sit back and think of the experiences I went through during this time. I think of the good, but then I think of the bad...and the bad usually outweighs the good. So, when that depressive episode is about to hit, I try to avoid all the negative triggers that I would once partake in and ask myself, "Is that the life you really want to live?" The answer is always no. As a result, I find something else that I enjoy doing that helps with my depression and anxiety instead of making it worse. I think my best friend would be proud.
For anyone who is going or still going through something similar here some tips:
Acknowledge your grief and give yourself permission to express it
Write about your feelings, either in a journal or a poem
Call your local humane society to see whether it offers a pet loss support group or can refer you to one
Explore the Internet for pet loss support groups and coping info
Prepare a memorial for your pet
When a person you love dies, it is natural to feel sorrow, express grief, and expect friends and family to provide understanding and comfort. Unfortunately, the same doesn't always hold true if the one who died was your companion animal. Many consider grieving inappropriate for someone who has "just lost a pet."
Nothing could be further from the truth. People love their pets and consider them members of their family. Caregivers celebrate their pets' birthdays, confide in their animals and carry pictures of them in their wallets. So, when your beloved pet dies, it's not unusual to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your sorrow. Animals provide companionship, acceptance, emotional support, and unconditional love during the time they share with you. If you understand and accept this bond between humans and animals, you have already taken the first step towards coping with pet loss: Knowing that it is okay to grieve when your pet dies.
Understanding how you grieve and finding ways to cope with your loss can bring you closer to the day when memories bring smiles instead of tears.
Rest in Paradise Domino....and as always...Thank You for Reading.
