How to Love Someone with Anxiety
Someone dealing with anxiety is inclined to assume that everyone is going to leave them at some point. So much so, that sometimes they might be the ones to ruin the relationship. However, the truth is that they battle something they can't control and there is a sense of insecurity within themselves when it comes to relationships. They know it is difficult and they don't want to burden you with their irrational thoughts and worries. So instead, they push you away before you even get the chance to leave yourself.
Remember they’re worth fighting for
It might be hard sometimes. There might be stupid fights of scenarios they've created in their own head, but more than anything, they're worth fighting for. The toughest people usually are. And if you are willing to fight with them through this, it will come back you ten folds.
The phrase, ‘It’s okay,’ can never be used enough
It is two words. Two words that stop every thought running through their head. In all honestly, you can never say it enough.
Sometimes you just have to listen
They are going to play out these situations in their mind. They are going to jump from point A to point B and sometimes you're not even going to know how they got there. The best thing you can do is let them go off on their tangent. Even if there is no solution or a fear they worry about in the future, the act of listening will help.
Don’t tell them, ‘you’re overreacting’
To you, it might seem irrational. However, to them whatever they open up to you about, it's something that actually keeps them awake at night. So just take it in as best as you can, and again, listen.
They probably won’t sleep through the night
Whether it takes them awhile to fall asleep or even stay asleep, you may be woken up by them at 3 am, while they lay there wide awake. Just hold them close and the comfort of your presence might be enough to help them get back to sleep.
Remember it’s not that they don’t trust you. They’re scared
You say it's an ex, and in their mind, they jump to cheating. You say it's a friend and in their mind, it's someone trying to break you two up. It's not you and your relationship that isn't trusted, it's every worse case scenario automatically playing out in their and they hate themselves for it.
Answering texts timely does help more than you know
You have probably noticed that they answer embarrassingly fast and they know not everyone is like them, but it helps when people understand it. It helps when you say, "I can't talk right now because...and I'll text you later." Silence kills anyone with anxiety. It creates problems in their mind that aren't even there. It ends in apologies that aren't even there. It ends in apologies that aren't even needed, and it adds a layer of stress to their life they wish they could control.
Don’t be mad if they send a double text
You might turn your phone on, to four texts, just remember, it's not that they are trying to be annoying. They just care. They care too much and they know it may make them look bad.
Sometimes they just won’t be up for going out
They might cancel last minute or freeze in the middle of a night out and just not be able to do it. If they tell you they have to leave don't feel a sense of guilt or obligation to go with them. Just know they tried and for whatever reason, they couldn't handle it. What sets people with anxiety off can be many things but for a lot of people, parties in which they don't know anyone besides you, ends in two ways. One, they will either be quiet and awkward, or two, you will more than likely be carrying them out because they chose too much vodka to ease their worries.
Accept their apologies even if you don’t understand
Whether it's a night out gone wrong, a triple text, saying or doing the wrong thing, they are so observant. They will pick up on the slightest shift in you and before you even realize, you might become upset, and they will apologize for it, even if it wasn't their fault.
Help when you can but know when you can’t
They would rather have ten meltdowns, biting off more than they can chew and they will never admit they can't handle something. They will always say yes. They will never turn anyone away. And in those moments where it seems like they are going to fall apart and break, just hold them. Help them if you can, but know they are inclined to not ask for help. They are used to dealing with things on their own.
Once trust is gained they’ll love you unbelievably hard
While uncompleted lists, plans getting messed up, texts going unanswered, might overwhelm someone with anxiety, if there is one thing they are good at, it is love. If there is something they are strong in, it is their ability to show you how much they adore and appreciate you. It might take them awhile to trust you, but once they do, their capacity to love you will fill you in ways you never knew were empty or even missing something.